Today is my 44th birthday. Here are some things I want to keep in mind for the year ahead.  

1. Things I never regret: spending time with people I love, trying something new, moving my body, getting outside, learning, writing, getting more sleep.

2. Knowing what I want to offer is more important than knowing what another person expects. 

3. The best experiences of my life happen when I go for what I want with enthusiasm.

4. Some things provide a disproportionate amount of joy: Do more of those things.

5. When I am tired, I will do what is easy. 

6. I can adjust my environment to make different things easy or difficult. 

7. My life is better when I believe in free will. 

8. Feeling safe is not the same as being safe.

9. I don’t want to reward myself with things that undermine my efforts.

10. I need both comfort and challenge. 

11. Pushing myself through exhaustion leads to more exhaustion.

12. I don’t have to know everything about a situation to make a good decision. 

13. Most people really are doing the best they can. This doesn’t mean their best is good enough for me. 

14. My empathy extends beyond my capacity; therefore, my boundaries should not exist at the edges of my empathy. 

15. Thinking about my feelings (or writing about them!) is not the same as feeling them. 

16. Nostalgia is an indulgence. 

17. Jealousy is an arrow, an indicator of what I’m not giving myself. 

18. A good night of sleep changes my entire outlook. 

19. Wanting something is not the same as enjoying it. 

20. Grief is the inverse of gratitude. 

21. Seeking to define my life’s purpose is a waste of time. Life itself is the purpose. 

22. I should ask for help way before I feel like I deserve it. I should ask for help when I first have the thought, “I could use some help.” 

23. Forgiveness is good. But it’s not good to rush into forgiveness to ease the offender’s discomfort. 

24. Sometimes I seek approval when I want connection. This does not usually work out well. 

25. Authority and responsibility are two sides of the same coin. Getting one without the other leads to fucked-up situations. 

26. The only opinions of me that matter come from a very small group of people. 

27. Honoring my feelings does not necessarily mean acting on them. 

28. When I feel self-righteous and sure of myself: tone it down about 25%. When I feel uncertain and hesitant: crank it up about 25%.

29. Everything is a spectrum. My starting point determines what feels extreme to me. 

30. Death is in the room. 

31. Disagreeing is a skill I can improve. 

32. Growth does not require extremes or dramatic moves, just small steps in the right direction. 

33. Good habits let me put more energy into what I enjoy. 

34. Giving myself adequate solitude is not selfish. 

35. Lack of clarity limits my ability to act because I can only choose from what I can recognize. Precise vocabulary helps with clarity. 

36. When I am overwhelmed I tend to reach for more as a way of feeling in control. What I actually need is less. 

37. Actions > words.

38. Proof > plans.

39. Creating > criticism.

40. Most of my decisions are either habitual or emotional. It’s good to keep this in mind. 

41. Increasing my ability to tolerate discomfort (including embarrassment) increases my freedom to do more cool shit. 

42. I am the only measure of my own success. 

43. Happiness is a small-minded goal. A better goal: Experiencing life in all its pain and glory. 

44. There is enough time to do what matters. I get to decide what matters.