Trump has called out the National Guard to protect his floating chunks of badly-applied and criminally contracted paint from tourists
They are the D.C. National Guard, who were deployed by Donald Trump last summer to protect the streets of Washington from marauding muggers. Now that their job is more aesthetic, they still carry sidearms. They are wear bullet-proof combat vests. And they have been assigned by Donald Trump to patrol the edges of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool to protect floating slabs of freshly-applied American Flag Blue paint from being carried away by tourists as souvenirs.
I am fully cognizant that my eager coverage of the Reflecting Pool debacle might seem rather misplaced, even petty. After all, ICE agents are still out there arresting undocumented migrants and taking them away to so-called “detention centers” that resemble nothing less than a system of concentration camps around the country. RFK Jr. is still figuring out ways to either confuse people about vaccines or outright deny them to those seeking protection from serious diseases. Trump and his family are still keeping themselves occupied by enriching themselves at taxpayer expense.
But the algae growing at breakneck speed in the Reflecting Pool and the apparent disintegration of the paint that Donald Trump personally chose to cover its bottom, and which he inspected while the job was being done, is just plain delicious because it is of a piece with not only Trump’s two presidencies, but his entire life.
Someone sent me an email today with the apt reminder that everything Trump touches turns to shit. Indeed. His “college” was closed due to fraud lawsuits he had to pay $25 million to settle. Trump Airlines was a total bust. He somehow managed to run three casinos into bankruptcy, businesses that pretty much feature guaranteed profit margins. He couldn’t even make a buck from Trump Vodka. He committed massive impeachable offenses in his first term in office, a practice he continues today even more robustly.
He managed to wage a war on Iran, a pariah country across multiple oceans with a worthless currency and a military a tenth the size of the U.S., and he lost it spectacularly, signing a surrender document in the middle of a dinner in the Palace of Versailles, of all places. Even that was something of a debacle. Scheduled to do the signing at the dinner given by President Macron, Trump forgot to bring a paper copy of his surrender document, causing his Secretary of State, Marco “Too Big Shoes” Rubio, to scamper through the palace looking for a printer he could use to produce the necessary printed document.
The Reflecting Pool clusterfuck delights me because it is so reflective, if I can be given leave to reach for a poetic metaphor, of Trump’s bad taste, incompetence, ignorance, and need to put his stamp on everything he sees. A law passed by Congress finally caused his name to be removed from the Kennedy Center. This time, a one-cell organism has thrived in the waters of the Reflecting Pool and won the war Trump waged on tradition, history, and good taste.
Yaaaaay, algae! Go forth, happy pond scum, and multiply!